‘The Ultimatum Queer Love’ Ep 1: Reba’s Daughter Corrals the Queers

“I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with someone, one hundred and thirty percent,” some dyke says in the beginning of Netflix’s The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Then we see a montage of what’s to come: twee butches in bowties, long walks on the beach, foreheads touching and hands holding, some light BDSM.

All the couples assemble by the pool two by two. The actress who played Reba’s daughter on Reba, JoAnna Garcia Swisher, walks out and introduces herself by all seven of her names. Immediately everybody’s confused.

“Is it correct that you’re not queer?” one of the dykes asks.

“I am not,” Reba’s daughters says, laughing uncomfortably. She’s just as confused about why she’s there as the rest of us. Her agent must’ve gotten mixed up.

Everybody starts to hit on her because these gals are thirsty, and Reba’s daughter politely shoots them down. Then to distract from the fact that she isn’t gay even a little bit, she starts breaking down the rules of The Ultimatum. Which are, basically, they can marry the person they came with, they can marry someone else at this Holiday Inn Express they’re sequestered to, or they can break up for good and go home alone. They are contractually obligated to choose one of those three options.