People Think Taylor Swift is Grooming Travis Kelce Because He’s Dumb

I love it here.

Like a Taoist philosopher, Travis Kelce’s recently resurfaced tweets have reminded us to relish in the small joys of the benign — the sheer adrenaline that consumes us when we place an order at IHOP, feed a squirrel a piece of bread, or take a nap. But some have used these tweets as evidence that Kelce is a brain-damaged idiot, after 20-plus years playing football. Some have even gone so far as to accuse Taylor Swift of “grooming” this hot, dumb hunk of meat, given the “mental age gap” between them.

“Can we talk about the problematic mental age gap between these two and how Taylor might actually be grooming Travis?” one Twitter (…or X??…) user wrote in the greatest tweet/x of all time. “Travis has multiple head injuries and suffers from CTE leading to the huge mental age gap which make[s] him vulnerable.”

First of all, CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) can only be diagnosed post-mortem. Meaning we won’t know if Kelce has it until he’s already dead. Sure, he’s suffered a handful of concussions, but honestly not as many as you would think based on his tweets. Really, he’s just a very happy, horny, silly man who loves MGMT’s 2007 hit “Electric Feel” and manifesting under the full moon. Who doesn’t???

Sure, there were some fatphobic, uglyphobic, ableist tweets unearthed as well, but I don’t think any of us are too surprised by that, are we? Kelce (or his team) deleted all the problematic stuff as soon as his tweets went viral, but left all the himbo magic, including gems like this:

And this:

May we all be as lucky as Taylor one day and date a fun, dumb person who pounds us relentlessly.