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Mad Dyke Horoscopes: Leo Season

mad dyke mag
14 min readJul 22, 2019

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Illustrations by Mel Valentine

Meet Witch Mom

What makes you interested in astrology? I mean, you’re queer, so there’s that. There’s been a long-standing tradition of queers loving astrology. It makes sense when you consider many other spiritual practices and religions shun us because we’re not hetero or cis, and astrology doesn’t do that. But still, astrology can be very gendered and heteronormative. Thankfully, the internet has allowed myself and other astrologists to queer the zodiac — which is what I want to do here. But don’t expect me to predict your future. As an amateur astrologer, or as I call it, intermediate dyke-level (I can’t drive), I like to see astrology as a set of opportunities.

I remember reading my horoscope for years, just waiting for the day romance would be mentioned. Finally, it was, but my date had the flu. So I asked my friend to drive me in the middle of the night (wearing her pajamas) to my sick date’s house so I could drop off lemons and tea as a romantic gesture. I wasn’t letting those planets (or babe) pass me by. What I mean is, astrology doesn’t have to be scary or intimidating, but rather, a loose blueprint for your life.

For instance, if you see the word “retrograde,” don’t panic — this misses the beauty astrology has to offer. A retrograde, to me, is a time to think, to reflect, and regenerate. Furthermore, the retrograde of…

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