Dianne Feinstein Replaced By (Gay) Laphonza Butler

We (dykes) are slowly infiltrating the U.S. government. First, we take over speaker of the house, now we have one whole senator! Laphonza Butler is the third Black female senator in U.S. history and currently the only one serving in Congress. While these women will continue to be but cogs in a truly evil gerontocracy, it’s good to know that 90-year-old Feinstein (may she rest) is being replaced by one of the living!

No disrespect to Feinstein, who was an early advocate for the gay community. (She’s actually the one who found Harvey Milk’s body after his assassination and tried to save him by putting her fingers on the bullet wound — kind of a real one.) But I think we can all agree 90 is too old to be doing anything other than sitting at home yelling at your loved ones about the thermostat. It’s certainly not a good age to be making major decisions for the well-being of all American citizens.

Also, I don’t want to praise Feinstein. After trying to save Milk, she went on to fuck up a serial killer investigation, tell some kids to basically fuck off as they begged her to save our dying planet, and have an absolute blast at anti-human rights advocate Amy Coney Barrett’s Supreme Court confirmation hearings — hugging all up on Lindsey Graham after.