All That For This??????

Sorry this is so late, I was dreading watching it. But we’ve finally made it to the finish line! And it doesn’t feel good tbh. Just like I wasted 10 hours of my life only to be left wondering if two horrible people who shouldn’t be together will end up together.

The episode opens with an intervention for Finley that has the same energy as when the aunts in Practical Magic tried to curse that woman’s ex husband by killing a pigeon. Finley, dressed like a Footlocker employee again, comes home screaming about some kid’s parent biting her?? I guess she coaches kids? It’s wild how much I’ve watched this show and still don’t know what’s happening.

Finley seems hammered and confused. TV shows always depict alcoholics like cartoon characters who are drunk all the time, ripping wine burps, but usually you can’t tell like 80% of people who have drinking problems. But we know this show has no time for nuance so here we are, Finley teaching kids how to play soccer while shitfaced (it’s not funny but i do wish i could’ve seen it).

Tess is for some reason the first one to speak. She tells Finley they all love her. Alice says she loves her too, but she’s kinda phoning it in bc when Finley was missing for three days she was like “lil scooter bitch lol.” Then somebody starts explaining the rehab they want to send her to and it’s got OCEAN FRONT VIEWS and the chef is a Top Chef finalist !! And Alice is paying, which may be her attempt at making up for the fact that she hasn’t offered healthcare to her employees all these years.

Finley’s like “um relax I’m in my 20s” but nobody’s convinced this is normal. That’s when Sophie finally speaks, like 20 minutes into this thing, reiterating that they all love her. But Finley’s like “no fuck you bye” and leaves.

Bette doesn’t give af about Finley so she’s in bed with PIPPA PASCAL, staring at her while she sleeps. When pips wakes up, bette coos “good morning” like a creepy little doll. Then she asks what she’s wearing later, which is a very gay thing to do. Bette, as usual, gets another call that she needs to immediately take, because she hates intimacy and will use any excuse to avoid it.

It’s Tina (we assume) and they’re talking about Angie not wanting to go to her bio dad’s funeral. Pippa hears Bette tell Tina she’s looking…